I have decided that this blog will officially be shut down.

This blog has been too sanitized, too tamed to be able to jot down all the hate and all the discontent that I want to write.

I've run out of ideas, and I'm done trying to sanitize every fucking thing. I'll have you know that when I smile at you, I'm really wishing for you to die a horrible death, of sodomy and gang rape. WHen I act enthusiastic, I'm really thinking about how stupid your ideas are and how anyone could fucking be so hyped about trashy ideas. I want to kill the people who're getting along so well in their lives. I want to skin them, till I see them cry, and see their very whites of their bones underneath.

I'm too disillusioned by people who'll only act as if they care if you're not troubling them. People who will pass judgement and hate you without first trying to understand your side of the story. I hate the way people always think that they're worse off than you when in actual fact it isn't who has it harder, its how you're coping up with it. In a world that thrives on reputation and image, and everyone donning an outer layer, Its not hard to see why adults are so cynical.

I don't want to grow up. I would rather be blown off like a flame ontop of a candle before it even starts melting. I want to live till I'm about to take responsibility and die right before it so I don't have to experience any of this. I hate the fact that I live in a family so absorbed into materialism, they're willing to sell their dignity and their self-respect just to have it. I hate the fact that I'm incompetent beyond means. I hate my upbringign, I hate the way you're treating me, I hate all of you. I cannot bring myself to have even the slightest taste of like for you as I can only see your contempt and your skin deep smile.

Today, Is the day I will finally be released from it all.

With a clogged sink and some broken glass, I would want EVERY sensation of this suring pain to go up to my head, so as to hide the feeling I have for all of you.

11.50 am, I will breathe my last breath and I hope that EVERYONE would just forget about me.

One insignificant person is nothing to this world, and i expect no big deal will be generated from my suicide.

See you guys on the other side.

But If I do, FUCK YOU. I did this to run away from you.

 

Happy new year... well 6 days too late to wish that now huh? Its been one huge screwed up year this year, some highs and MOSTLY lows..

New Year's eve saw me at The Curve, where we found a nice secluded spot to watch BOTH 1 Utama's and Curve's fireworks. Was with Yen Ling, which made it all the more significant. Met Tracy there, and darn, I couldn't get the Graphic novel that i wanted from her.

Just recently I went to this really nice place called Sekeping Serendah, go visit www.serendah.com for more details.. Its a really nice place and I went with Yen Ling's family and some friends. Photos be up soon. The website is really deceiving, it wasn't THAT nice in real life, but it was still great nonetheless. Watching Yen Ling squeal everytime a bug flew at her is priceless. XD

Su ann's birthday was yesterday. SUprised her and all, which was really great, Happy 21st b'day!

I was called by this company called e-markplus recently. I went for their interview and all ( all the way in KLANG!) and they just called me and told me to come for briefing on 7th(tommorrow) I emailed tehm questions and they never answered. I called them, and all they could offer me were incomprehensible answers. So I just decided to not go.

Thats not to say I don't have a job, I do. I was working part time before, even before the term ended at this place called Corezone, which specialises in Adventure gear and outdoor stuffs. I'll just work a bi more while trying to send out resumes to other companies.

I hear all my other classmates are getting along fine :) thats really great.

I'll probably not go to UK after all. The big house and everything may be deceiving. I'm just a poor fuck after all. Don't belive me? Too fucking bad.

But 'll still go apply for it I guess, who knows, luck might change?
________________________________________________________

2005 was a sort of semi- great year. I never did anything exciting and spent most of my year being sullen and dull, and staying low. There really wasn't much excitement in my years anymore:- nothing ever happens enough to be memorable I guess, aside from the " I met a girl on a futsal pitch and now she's my girlfriend" fiasco.

Nothing ever happens like it always have before. Fortune tellers have always told me that i would lead a good sheltered life. Already I feel the shelter being poulled from under me, and already I feel like falling 10,000 feet below and crashing on something hard and heavy. Already I feel like we wasted a whole load of money getting our fortunes told.

Sure, I had a good life... so far.

When I was young I travelled almost the whole world! When I grew older I was a semi- smart boy. Then when  came to college, I was doing what I loved.

But now I'm just a bitter and cynical little dick-twat, doubting everything, and the next 20 years of my life already looks miserable from my perspective. My mother told me that this society is populated by people who hide their bloodthirsty desires for success under a nice plastic smile, and already I am dreading it. My principles are weak and feeble in the face of this adversity, and I can't help but let the ocasional plastic smile slip out once in a while whilst I'm working at Corezone...

Time to FUCKING GROW THE FUCK UP KOK MING! YOUR LITTLE PARADE OF SELF-RIGHTEOUSNESS AND GENUINITY HAS ENDED! YOU NEED TO SURVIVE! NOT BE HONEST OR HAVE LITTLE IDEALISTIC FANTASIES OF BEING REAL OR WHATEVER!

The past few days I saw what being fake can do to your reputation.

It boosts it.

Enough said.

Instructions:

State who tagged you;
List who you want your Santa Claus to be (the bearer of the gift);
State the gift you wish to get;
Then invite a few friends to join the tag, and inform them by dropping a comment in their blog.

---

Tagged by :  Sarukun

My Santa Will be:

My santa will be my Team leader walking up to me saying " we're finally done" and Not " we're going to have to work till January next year." Fuck.

My wish :

My wish will forever be that one day, I would be the richest bum in the entire fucking world. I never want to work. I would like to rot in a lazy couch if I may. And scream to songs that were popular 10 years ago and eat junk food and have fun with friends. Whilst still making millions.

Tagging :

No. Noone, cause nothing you write here is EVER going to come through ANYWAYS.

 

~EDIT~

As you might or might not have heard, I've had a really 'sui' day on saturday.

I awoke to fresh new day, expecting to be at college. Sat in accord, and started it. It stuttered. Sputtered.

and paranoia it creates in me..

Threw you the obvious
And you flew with it on your back
A name in your recollection
Down among a million, say:
Difficult enough to feel a little bit
Disappointed, passed over.
When I've looked right through,
To see you naked and oblivious
and you don't see me

Well I threw you the obvious,
Just to see if there's more behind the
Eyes of a fallen angel,
Eyes of a tragedy.

Here I am expecting just a little bit
Too much from the wounded
But I see,
See through it all,
See through,
And see you.

So I threw you the obvious
Do you see what occurs behind the
Eyes of a fallen angel
Eyes of a tragedy

Well, oh well..

Apparently nothing.
Apparently nothing at all.

You don't
You don't
You don't see me
You don't
You don't
You don't see me
You don't
You don't
You don't see me
You don't
You don't
You don't see me at all
________________________________________________________________________________

I just spent the night at college, and it was a damn hellish experience. The labs, freezing cold, and sleeping on hard carpeted floor for 2 hrs is hell.

I haven't been spending timewith friends. I realise that, but I'm too fucking busy to care, and I've been doing nothing but work. I cannot compromise anymore. WORK!

daryl's back. Cool :)
_________________________________________________________________________________

Sometimes, someone tells you something that really is insignificant and not at all serious. But it is blown out of porportion and in the end, ends up abigger matter than it was actually.

Maybe just the way you said it.

But Idon't care. Its so common and your concept of 'Open' is different from mine.

SO don't worry, I really don't give a flying fuck.

And sometimes, MSN does little justice to deliver messages across. I mean, you're just readin text, and sometimes you misunderstand..

And I'm sorry, upon looking back at the message history, I realise that I have gravely misundertood
and for this i sincerely and profusely apologise.

SO sorry :(
______________________________________________________________________________

So, the end of the year approaches. Everyone's Being happy, as their finals are done.

Me? I'm cursing under my breath as it gets harder and harder.

Sometimes, Rationality seems such a vague word. In sense, what is right and what is wrong seems so subjective in the world these days.

Back in the medieval days, it was a very clear cut of what is wrong and whats not. You could either be doing something right or commiting blasphemy, theres a very strong sense of what is right and wrong. And it doesn't even need rational reasons.

I guess I should be glad that we have evolved to be more liberal, that we have made it right and completely appropriate to coem up with our own rationalities and do what we feelis right.

So Suffian told me over futsal one day ...

yeaps kok ming.. eheh

hahaha me loves u baby